Pacman Jones Changes His Name to Tougher Dig Dug Jones
Dallas Cowboys cornerback Pacman Jones announced today that he no longer wants to be known as Pacman Jones, but instead Dig Dug Jones: “Pacman is a straight up pussy game compared to Dig Dug,” said Jones. “Pacman just eats stuff. In Dig Dug you could blow people up or crush them with a rock. That’s totally how I roll.”
Jones is working to change his image after a season of being out of the NFL due to a league suspension for multiple arrests.
“People are doubting me, so I have to come stronger and harder than ever,” said Jones. “I don’t need people saying I’m some small, little yellow guy or cracking on me calling me ‘Ms. Pacman.’ No way. I mean, notice there was never any ‘Ms. Dig Dug.’ That’s because Dig Dug would drop a rock on her.”
Dallas owner Jerry Jones says he is happy to have the troubled player in a Cowboys uniform regardless of his name.
“This is a fine young man who made a few mistakes,” said Jerry Jones. “And we are simply allowing him a chance to prove himself. I expect nothing but the best behavior from Dig Douglas.”
The former Titans star hopes to live up to his owner’s expectations.
“I don’t know how many more chances I’ll get,” he said. “You can only hit the reset button so many times before all of your accomplishments are tainted. Dig Dug taught me that. And now the whole league is about to be taught that you don’t f—k with Dig Dug Jones. And that goes for everyone – wide receivers, quarterbacks, red, glasses-wearing tomato-looking things, even fire-breathing green dragons. Dig Dug will mess you up.”
I suppose I can sometimes come across as being a little bit sarcastic and jaded. In light of that, this week I want to start it off with the very positive and inspiring words of Kevin Garnett. In his post game interview after the Celtics won on Tuesday, he kept yelling: “Anything is possible! An-y-thing is poss-i-bllllllllllllllle!” I wanted to highlight those words for all of the kids out there, especially those who had to go to bed before the game ended at midnight EST. (Or those who went to be by choice because they were bored by the series halfway through Game 1.) So remember, kids – anything is possible. Specifically, if you are 6-foot-11 and covered in sinewy muscle and on the same team as two other All-Stars, then anything is possible ... on the basketball court. Not anywhere else, maybe, but definitely on the basketball court. INSPIRATION! Pass it on.
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